“Helen Is My Bestest Friend In The Whole Wide World, So Leave Her Alone” Varadkar Defends McEntee Performance

TAOISEACH Leo Eric Varadkar has defended Justice Minister Helen McEntee’s performance over the last couple of years despite overseeing escalating crimes rates, numerous policing scandals and an exodus of officers from the force.

“If you knew Helen, you’d see what a great friend she is to me,” the Taoiseach retorted during leader’s questions yesterday, “Helen is great and we do everything together and she’s the bestest friend in the whole wide world, in the universe even, so there”.

With unknown numbers of Gardaí being asked to take leave instead of quitting in a bid to fluff figures, and confidence in the Grada Commissioner dwindling, Mr. Varadkar continued to defend his pal despite the current shit show.

“Yeah, but Helen and I go to cool festivals together and we just get each other, you know?” Varadkar defended, “no one knows Helen like I do so that should be enough for anyone to wonder why she’s still Justice Minister – I’m hardly going to appoint someone I don’t know with massive experience in policing into one of the most important ministerial roles in the country,” adding, “besides, Helen would absolutely kill me if I sacked her lol”.