Gardaí To Estimate Latest Cocaine Haul By Picking Number From Hat

UNSURE how much their latest cocaine haul is worth, Gardaí said they will estimate the find later this evening in the garda station where detectives will pick a number from a hat.

Last week’s seizure of €157 million worth of cocaine from the MV Matthew ship which was seized in a military operation weighed 2.2 tonnes, however comparing it to previous estimates from similar busts in the past, the figures don’t match up.

“In 2008 we found 1.7 tonnes of coke worth €500mn so I guess we underestimated last week’s find, kinda like we do with missed 999 calls and breathalyser tests – we’re not great with numbers – but we’ll rectify that later tonight to something a bit more sensational,” a spokesgarda explained.

It is understood Commissioner Drew Harris will pick the new evaluation from his very own Garda hat, with numbers ranging from 200mn to 1bn euros.

“I’ve my money on 900mn myself,” a source inside Garda Headquarters told WWN, “hopefully they’ll keep a bale for the Xmas party this year”.

Despite the large find last week, Gardaí have told users not to worry, there will still be plenty of cocaine in Ireland for the foreseeable future thanks to just two Navy vessels patrolling the entire island which has become a favourite weak spot for international drug cartels.