Graeme Souness To Spend Day With Shit Eating Grin On Face


FRIENDS AND FAMILY have been asking Graeme Souness all morning if he has won the lottery such is the shit eating grin etched across his face this morning.

“Ah no, it’s nothing, nothing,” said a coy Souness when asked what good fortune had befallen him despite clearly being seen hugging the back pages of newspapers carrying the news of Paul Pogba’s positive drug test.

“Hi, it’s Graeme again I’m just wondering when I should head to A&E,” Souness said in a phone call to his doctor, expressing his worry at his now 12 hour old tumescent erection.

While Souness maintains his lockjaw self-satisfied grin is purely down to his overall contentment with life some speculate it may have something to do with the fact former Man Utd midfielder Pogba’s heatmap during his time at Juventus consists solely of a trip to the toilet to give a positive drugs sample.

“Look, I’ve no strong feelings on Pogba so it’s not for me to say if he’s played poorly but his XG is zero whereas his Expected Positive Tests has to be at least 1.0 now,” said Souness, taking a drag on a cigarette with the deep satisfaction normally reserved for someone in a haze of post-coital bliss.

As with all developments in football in 2023, Pogba testing positive for testosterone was first broken in a tweet from Fabrizio Romano.

“Here We Go. Personal terms agreed, Pogba to seal 4-year move to Banned From Football, has Juventus blessing. Pogba is excited by the project,” confirmed Romano.