Say What You Want About North Korea But Would Be Pretty Cool To Have Bullet Proof Train


WHILE the Kim Jong Un regime has myriad flaws and stands accused of endless human rights abuses, even the most obstinate advocate for democracy in the hermit nation must admit traveling on your own bullet proof train is pretty cool.

Making the journey to Russia for talks about supplying arms to Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un boarded the bullet proof train this morning on a journey expected to take five or six hours, with the specification of the train impressing a number of people who labeled it ‘fucking awesome’.

“Wow, oh my God, it even has a trolley service with tea and coffee,” marveled one Irish rail user, who felt like the North Korean leader was living in some unfathomable high-technology future.

“Look, I’ll be the first person to condemn that bloated ball sack of a tyrant but anything being bullet proof makes it automatically cool regardless of the circumstances. For example bullet proof bananas… why would anyone need to make them bullet proof? Doesn’t matter, I don’t make the rules they just sound ten times cooler!” offered one amateur train spotter.

The train is heavier than the average train due to its bulletproof nature and Kim Jong Un’s well-documented cheese addiction, and the added weight means it travels at a slower speed of 57km or in Irish train terminology ‘a lightning quick bullet train we could only dream of’.

“Sure he’s there to supply weapons that will added to the litany of war crimes being committed by Russian forces in Ukraine but I’m picturing a load of North Korean special forces lad stopping bullets with their minds like that Brad Pitt film on speed,” confirmed that English lad who makes those TikToks about trains.