Road Bowler Tests Positive For Performance Enhancing Drugs

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SENDING shockwaves throughout the world of Irish road bowling, local star Mossey ‘The Slingshot’ Flemming was not available for comment today after testing positive for anabolic steroids, WWN has learned.

Doping Control Officers confirmed that local Woodstown champion Flemming had been using controlled substances after several complaints from fellow competitors alleged he ‘must be on something with the throw on him’.

“Knew it,” Kilkenny road bowling champion Micky Ryan told WWN today, “sure he had a fucking arm on him like Popeye the last year – we slagged him off saying he must be constantly wanking the lad off himself, but it all makes sense now, the cheating cunt”.

Destroying all his competition last year Flemming quickly rose to fame, attracting model girlfriends including Una Healy and Linda Martin, and more recently turning up to a rural road event in Fenor in a Bugatti Veron, presumably purchased with the proceeds of his unfair winnings.

“Heard most of his post-bowling after parties ended up as drug fueled orgies in local community centres and would last days on end,” one source stated, pointing out that CSO statistics have also shown a 60% rise in the number of women aged 50+ becoming pregnant, “he’s rumoured to have at least one child in every county – that’s all the testosterone now, the randy hoor”.

Flemming is expected to be stripped of all his road bowling titles this year and banned from the sport for at least a week and a half.

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