Prime Wes Hoolohan Valued At £425mn In Today’s Transfer Market


IN THE WAKE of Chelsea’s £115mn pound purchase of Brighton’s Moises Caicedo, Irish footballing experts have decried a transfer market gone mad while lamenting the fact Wes Hoolahan isn’t at his prime in this current era.

“If Wes was born 10 years later the lad would be £425mn, easy,” confirmed a world-leading team of football economists at their regular Sunday meeting down the pub, “he was like Iniesta but with the brain of Stephen Hawking”.

Big money moves in the Premier League this summer have left fans scratching their heads and casting their minds back to the few players in the history of the game who could be judged value for money at such ridiculously high prices.

“Sure the lad Caicedo can run around a bit, but how many grown men has he sent into shrill orgasmic convulsions with a turn and through ball? When 10,000 grown men have pleaded with their wives to name their first born Moises, then we’ll talk. Even latter day Cambridge United era Wessi would fetch £90mn easily,” offered one unbiased Irish football watcher.

With football clubs seemingly taking financial advice from a NFT salesman on speed, the eye-watering sums paid for middling, average and good players baffles everyone who takes even a passing interest in the sport.

“Josko Gvardiol is £77mn why, because Pep likes his surname, Declan Rice is only €500,000 if he declares for Ireland, Utd spend £70mn on a Wish version of Haaland. The second greatest to ever play the game was dubbed the Argentinian Wes Hoolahan, if that’s not worth a few hundred mill in today’s market, I dunno what is,” offered another Irish person before unveiling his Wes Hoolahan back tattoo.