Talk About Unlucky: Min For Housing’s Disappointing Housing Figures Released At Same Time As Tubridy Hearings


“OH NO, this is the last thing we wanted to happen,” cried advisors to Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien after learning that at the precise time they were launching a report on housing, which contained underwhelming numbers and missed targets, the nation’s attention was firmly fixed on Ryan Tubridy’s appearance at the Oireachtas.

Admitting they ‘dropped the ball’ over not realising such a high profile event was on and that it would serve as a distraction, the downtrodden housing team felt it was pointless trying to alert the public to the figures now.

“This is just awful, you mean we’ll get less publicity? So fewer people will know that we missed our affordable purchase homes and cost rental homes target for by as much as 75%? Curses, what horrible misfortune to be releasing these while eyes are focused elsewhere,” continued a frustrated Dept of Housing representative, sickened by the thoughts that this will slip under the radar.

“No, this can’t be, I wanted nothing more than for the public to know 13 actions in the Housing For All plan have been further delayed, and that I actually can’t tell the public how many social house have been delivered in the first quarter of 2023,” concurred minister O’Brien.

O’Brien then punched a nearby wall with frustration (which disintegrated due to pyrite) over the fact no one would know that three months after lifting of the eviction ban he still hasn’t followed through on his pledge to enact a law which would have enabled tenants facing eviction 90 days to bid for the property they occupy.

UPDATE: Luckily for those involved Taoiseach Leo Varadkar came to the rescue and was able to bring media attention back on the housing issue by saying homeless people are actually to blame for the housing crisis.