Tubridy To Spend Day Talking Into Fisher Price Microphone, Pretending To Host Radio Show

A FORLORN Ryan Tubridy has been left no choice but to float down a river on a reverie and seek solace in his vast imagination, broadcasting his beloved radio show to an audience of one with a Fisher Price microphone.

“Okay, it’s not a real radio show but Ryan’s imagination is so vibrant; if he can imagine a scenario in which he’s Ireland’s most wronged innocent man, I’m sure he can almost convince himself he’s back on the radio for real,” shared his postman delivering another 10,000 letters of support to the former Late Late host.

Delivering a lengthy monologue about just how gosh darn earnest and humble he is, Tubridy then put on voices to imitate an ad break before a 30 minute segment in which he interviewed an imaginary author who wrote a book about JFK’s most historic bowel movements.

“Look, at the end of day Ryan wants nothing more than to get back working for those lying, no-good thieving bastards in RTÉ who threw him under the bus, the pricks. Surely, that should be easy to do,” offered his agent Noel Kelly, uttering his first non ‘RTÉ made us do it’ words in over 24 hours.

“All I want is to get back to my show,” Tubridy said into his plastic microphone, while all the public wanted was a straight answer about why an invoice for €150,000 of work he has not done didn’t include his name on it, was made out to a company his agent claims he never heard of, was rooted through his agent’s second company and happened to emerged weeks after agreeing to a pay cut.

“Next up, we speak to a champion of Ireland’s precious children who was unfairly CANCELED for the sin of caring too much about how lovely the Irish public,” said Tubridy, closing out the show.