Buckfast Launch ‘Buckast 0.0’

DO you really enjoy the syrupy cough medicine taste of the popular session tonic wine Buckfast but are currently off the sauce because of its propensity to give you an awful dose of criminal convictions in the morning? Well, there’s some good news on your way as the monks at Buckfast Abbey have now released a brand new 0.0 version.

Sick of its poor reputation across the world as being labelled ‘lunatic soup’ and being unable to advertise their products due to strict advertising laws, the holy manufacturers will join the rest of the alcohol distillery world in their quest to put images of this intoxicating beverage into your eyeballs, down your retinas and into your cerebral cortex in a bid to spark your neurons into desiring a taste of alcohol.

“Fuck it, we know it will cost us a fortune to make zero alcohol Buckfast that very few people will drink, but being able to advertise it like a normal beverage without all the constraints will boost sales of our original product,” a spokesmonk for the Abbey stated, “Heineken zero, Guinness Zero, fucking gin zero; no cunt in their right mind will enjoy this muck but look it, if it gets us in the back door like the rest of them then it’s worth a fucking shot”.

Buckfast 0.0 will still have all the great taste of the original and manufacturers claim it will still make you ‘fuck fast’.

“Yeah, there’s still a bucket of caffeine in each fucking bottle that would make a racehorse’s heart explode, so perfect for those skaggy Sunday morning session trips to the shops tripping over your own jaw,” the spokesmonk concluded.