Pubs Overwhelmed With Asylum Seekers Fleeing Their Other Half


QUESTIONS are being asked about the government’s long-term plans for dealing with the waves of domestic refugees expected to hit pubs across the country over the summer, as the number of people fleeing their home for a better quality of life continues to soar.

“So many pubs have closed their doors over the years, putting immense pressure on the ones that remain open to provide drinking asylum to hundreds of thousands,” explained one concerned vintner today.

“We’d love to be able to provide refuge to everyone that needs to get out of the house when Vanderpump Rules is on, but it’s just no feasible at this current scale”.

While many have sympathy for those seeking asylum from their other half, many ‘locals’ have expressed anger that they are now supposed to share their favourite bar space with people who normally wouldn’t be near the place.

“This is our bar, we’re happy here, we’ve been here every day since we got our Junior Cert results, we don’t want them coming near the place,” said one furious protestor brandishing a ‘lightweights not welcome here’ placard.

“One newcomer came in last week and complained that the noise coming from the lad in the corner playing Cracklin’ Rosie on the keyboard was too loud. This week, they had it turned down altogether. Now they’ve started selling non-alcoholic lager too, for fuck’s sake. We’re sorry these people had to leave their homes to find peace, but that doesn’t mean we all have to suffer”.

Meanwhile, pro-refugee protestors campaigning for a welcoming drinking environment for all have been asked to ‘bring them into your own house for cans if it means that much to you’.