Cost Of Being A Dickhead Soars


BEING a tech-obsessed dickhead who must have the latest toys has never been so expensive, thanks to Apple’s new VR headset that will set any dickhead worth their salt back a cool €3,500.

“You cannot be a dickhead and not buy this product. You will literally be expelled from the dickhead community,” said Richard Headly, spokesperson for the World Dickhead Association.

“And Apple know it. They know we’re going to pay whatever they ask, just so we can express our value to the world by the amount of gadgetry we adorn ourselves with. They know we’ll give them 1,200 quid a year for the newest phones, they know we’re going to have the latest airpods in our ears and the latest Apple Watch on our wrists. They know we’ll go without food if it means having this VR thing, whatever the fuck it is. Honestly, I’m surprised they’ve made it as cheap as it is”.

For the low price of one month’s rent in Dublin, owners of the Apple Vision Pro will be able to view things with their very own eyes while relaxing in the comfort of their own homes, albeit with the slight discomfort of having a heavy scuba diving mask strapped to your face.

And although the device promises a wide range of uses across society, the dickhead community have confirmed that they’ll be using it solely for computer games and porn, nothing else.