Zuckerberg Sticks €1.2bn Data Protection Fine On Fridge


UNFAZED Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg showed no reaction as he casually stuck his company’s latest data breach fine on his fridge door with a novelty ‘Visit Hawaii’ magnet before asking wife Priscilla to remind him to pay whatever balances he owes later in the year.

The social media giant was hit with a record €1.2bn fine by Ireland’s reluctant Data Protection Commission (DPC) over the transfer of European user data to the US, a financial hit the 39-year-old is willing to take on his unnaturally smooth, baby-faced chin.

“Honey, did we pay that last four hundred million dollar one from January? I can’t remember if I paid that or that three hundred million one from November?” Zuck asked, now wondering where he left his VR headset, seemingly unbothered with the fact he has accumulated nearly three billion dollars in data fines since GDPR rules were introduced in 2018.

“No it’s okay, honey, they’re only little tiny ones the Europeans sent on,” he replied to his wife’s question about whether the fines were big enough for them to worry about, “we made one hundred and sixteen billion last year; we won’t start buying own brand groceries yet lol,” he joked, wondering now if he should wear the latest Oculus to work, or the older one with the really cool googly eyes on them that ‘everyone in the office loves’.

Generating over $400mn per day thanks to the tracking of users worldwide, including the now illegal tracking of EU citizens, Zuckerberg wondered if this latest record fine may actually grow into something more significant someday, like a balance that may actually hurt company revenues.

“Don’t be silly, Mark,” he reassured himself before sticking on his headset in the back of his limo to work to watch some mixed reality hentai porn, “you know too much about everyone in charge for them to dare challenge you like that – you the man, dawg!”