Oh Great, Another Company Just Posted Record Profits
IN a break from constant doom and gloom in the media, WWN are delighted to report that yet another multi-billion-euro company has achieved near-record profits, as Ryanair announce a €1.4bn turnover for the past year.
“It’s nice to see that devoting your entire business to excellent customer service pays off for the little guy in the end,” said one overjoyed member of the public.
“In times like these where everyone seems to be broke and the price of everything is extortionate, we need ‘good luck’ stories like this to keep us all going”. added another.
Now that they’ve got all that money, it’s only a matter of time before it gets passed down,” pointed out one delusional commentator.
Although Ryanair are popping the own-brand supermarket Prosecco today, not everyone was sharing their good fortunes, as reports have begun to circulate that stressed trumpeters at the airline could be about to stage industrial action for their share of the spoils.
“I’ve been a landing trumpeter with Ryanair for 10 years. Wages are stagnant, and working conditions are abhorrent,” said one bugler we spoke to, who claims he and his co-workers are about to form ‘the most annoying picket line you’ve ever heard in your life’.