“Ah, So That’s What ‘Variable’ Means” Mortgage Holders Realise After 7th Rate Rise


“WHAT are we like at all? Like, duh! No wonder our mortgage was going up every couple of months,” laughed Davy Ronan to his wife Joan after eventually realising the type of mortgage they were on, “and here we thought we’d be paying the same old money every month for the next 35 years – we’re some eejits lol”.

The Ronan family are one of tens of thousands of ‘homeowners’ affected by the 7th such hike since last year thanks to the European Central Bank (ECB) pushing up its lending rates to counter inflation, losing profits.

“I get it now, variable means it varies all the time and could essentially vary us the fuck out of our house if we can’t afford it ha-ha,” Ronan added, comically rolling his eyes to the sky and slapping his forehead in jest to indicate his own stupidity for signing up to such a wild financial commitment he barely skimmed, “and here’s me believing the mortgage lad in the bank when he said ‘interest rates tend to be stable’. Mad when you realise it. Sure, you live and learn”.

The latest ECB move is expected to cost those on trackers and variable rates thousands of extra euro in repayments and push up the cost of new fixed rates for new home ‘buyers’.

“I don’t mind being duped just as long as the banks make back their money with these rising interest rates. I wouldn’t want them to be out of pocket through all of this, they have to eat too,” Ronan continued, now putting his car and whatever expendable items were left in his shed up on Done Deal.