Harry Kane Beginning To Suspect It May Be Time To Leave Spurs


GETTING the first inkling that his time at Spurs could be marked by a failure to win trophies, Harry Kane is considering leaving the London club for the first time ever.

“I tried to leave after 20 minutes but the trains back to London were already fully booked,” Kane said in the wake of his side’s 6-1 meltdown against Newcastle.

Kane admitted such comments were likely to shock the average football fan, who had Spurs down as the sort of trophy-hungry, success-addicted club that would be impossible to walk away from.

“Some people say I have an intuition for these things, and so something just makes me think that maybe Spurs won’t win the league this year or the League Cup over the next millennia,” added Kane, still struggling somewhat to come to terms with Spurs’ newfound reputation as a soft-centred team with the inner strength of a microwaved marshmallow.

With Spurs’ defensive display on Sunday described as disappointing and hard to understand as the film Tenet, the squad have pledged to do everything in their power to ensure they release the same inanely-worded apologies written by their PR teams.

“We did draw the second half though,” added Kane, like a friend insisting their partner has learned from their mistakes after being caught cheating for a 50th time.

Meanwhile, the one Spurs fan who still retained the ability to speak after yesterday’s game insisted that Harry Kane eventually breaking Alan Shearer’s goal record counts as a trophy.