Only Logical Conclusion Is Niall Collins Holding Irish Media’s Children Hostage

WITH a near complete absence of reporting or comment across the Irish media in relation to a story on The Ditch website relating to FF TD and junior minister Niall Collins, many have suggested the only logical conclusion is that Collins is holding all children and loved ones belonging to the Irish media hostage.

“I’m sure there’s plenty of journalists trying to verify the facts of the story, but that still doesn’t explain the reluctance to produce a handy article copying and pasting what another news outlet has already reported – that’s basically 70% of media output anyway,” said one media expert.

“You’re probably asking yourself how one person could hold that many people hostage but that’s where Neil, Noel, Nyal, Nail and Noel Eile come in,” explained one observer, who hoped the media discovered the courage to publish a story about how during Collins’ time as a councillor he voted in favour of selling land which was subsequently purchased by his wife.

Councillors are prohibited from voting on matters a spouse has a beneficial interest in, while failure to disclose the conflict of interest and voting on the matter could carry a prison sentence, not that you’d know it from reading the Irish media this past week.

“Look, this is a tough time for all of us. I think Paddy Cosgrave is a twat too but that’s not reason enough to ignore a story,” offered a member of the public, who ruled out a theory that there is an injunction in place preventing reporting on the matter because that would mean living in a country where powerful people get to dictate to the public what is or is not newsworthy.