Arteta One Game Away From ‘I Would Love It’ Speech


SOURCES close to Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta have described his mood after his team’s 2-2 draw with West Ham as ‘very Keegany’ and fear what effect a bad result in their next game against Southampton will have.

“Pressure can get to anyone at any time, we’ve put a protocol in place if we draw or lose to Southampton that all microphones and headphones will be kept from Mikel,” said Arsenal PR officials, aware that the chances of Arteta ‘loving it’ would be incredibly high.

“If he utters the words ‘well they’ve got to go to Everton and get a result’ then we’ll have failed at our jobs”.

Football experts have suggested that squandering a 2-0 lead in consecutive games when leading a title chase can increase a manager’s chance of ‘Keeganing’ by as much as 60%.

“It’s one thing to see the chances of a title evaporating before your eyes, that I can take but it’s another thing to witness an embarrassing meltdown live on TV from your manager,” offered one Arsenal fan, who said they honestly don’t mind losing out on the title if the memes and cringe can be kept to a minimum.

Club staff’s fears have only grown in recent hours after learning Arteta has been searching vintage football kit sites for a mid-90s era black Adidas jumper, salt and pepper wigs and working on his Doncaster accent.