As It Happened: The Monk Verdict


RELIVE an extraordinary sitting of the Special Criminal Court as it happened, culminating in the not guilty verdict of Gerry ‘The Monk’ Hutch in the murder of David Byrne at the Regency Hotel:

We’re live at the criminal court now. Gerry Hutch is sitting in the dock scrolling through Ryanair flight times to Spain ahead of hearing judges’ verdict.

Looks like he may choose the 5pm flight to Malaga. Currently searching temperatures, it’s 18 degrees in southern Spain. Now ordering sandals from Sports Direct.

Tight security outside with open drug dealing only allowed occur 15ft away from the Special Criminal Court.

Don’t forget for those of you at home you can vote on whether The Monk is guilty on the SCC app, available on Appstore. Votes cost €4 per text, or your life.

Several Burkes now interrupting proceedings to harangue the judges. Applause from the court now as Hutch puts a sleeper hold on Simeon Burke.

A packed gallery, onlookers include senior legal figures, Taylor Swift, Twink’s parrot and 14th place in The Voice Ireland series 2, Eddie Dunne.

The Monk has requested attending barristers and solicitors refrain from using cocaine today. The judges say they can’t guarantee this.

“No shit!” court is satisfied there was a dispute between the Hutch and Kinahans.

Judge Burns now asking Nicola Tallant to stop recording a live podcast in the court.

Slight delay now as some senior Gardaí ask Monk for selfies.

In an unprecedented move, the defendant orders round of coffees and Krispy Kreme donuts for the court. “CAB would have charged me less” he jokes after seeing receipt.

No sign of any of the Kinahans, funnily enough.

Defence states The Monk’s reputation has taken such a hit that the Black Forge Inn wouldn’t even accept a post-verdict booking, even with deposit.

Hutch now on the phone to Ryanair trying to get refund as Paul Murphy found guilty of providing getaway car in shooting.

Since we’ve sat down this morning, Paul Reynolds has released two books.

Court rejects Monk’s claim three children in trench coat carried out murder.

SCC Judges looking at watches now after being in court for nearly a whole hour; nearly time for a 2-3 hour lunch.

Back from lunch and Hutch told to stop etching ‘Monk woz here 2023′ on SCC dock. Apologises.

Jonathan Dowdall evidence about as reliable as Irish weather, confirm judges.

DPP asked what they were smoking when they decided to pursue murder charge rather than conspiracy to murder charge.

Hutch now checking-in to his flight online. Visibly not happy about luggage charge.

Meanwhile, in the court corridor, CAB have set up a pop up Rolex kiosk. 50% off.

If found not guilty, Hutch has agreed to appear as a guest on Angela Scanlon’s Ask Me Anything this week.

Our coverage of today’s verdict is brought to you by Dove Summer Glow Gradual Self Tan Body Lotion.

Embarrassing scenes now as Conor McGregor walks in with arms swaying before then realising he’s in the wrong courtroom.

Taxi man looking for a Gerard Hutch to the airport. Told to wait.

Judges lament if Gardaí had fraction of manpower made available for Biden visit this case could have been wrapped up years ago.

NOT GUILTY VERDICT. Lack of evidence putting him at the scene and Jonathan Dowdall riding Pinocchio’s nose all the way to the moon named as factors in judges’ decision.

“I’m just delighted I’ll be able to watch the final episode of Succession” Hutch thanks the court for not guilty verdict.

“Sinn Fein did it!” Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has been removed from the court after suddenly barging in.

On steps of court The Monk states intention to break landspeed record in sprint to Dublin airport.