Report Finds Defence Forces Not Neutral When It Comes To Abusing Female Soldiers


WHILE a neutral force when it comes to participating in wars, a report into the Irish Defence Forces concluded that sacred covenant was completely ignored when it came to the treatment of female personnel within its ranks.

“Don’t get me wrong we’re unequivocal in our attitude to our neutrality, that must not be impinged upon in any way, no one told us it extended to stuff like not treating female colleagues as guinea pigs for harassment” admitted one male recruit.

Subjected to routine and regular punishment from their male colleagues, due to their gender, including physical and mental torture, the failure of senior officers to end such treatment was labeled as ‘very on brand for an Irish institution’.

“Testimony detailing sexual assaults, physical abuse, secret recording of women changing, the DF might not be allowed to actively partake in a traditional conflicts but certainly took a side when it came to how they treated women,” remarked one reader of the report, who didn’t envy the person who has to come up future army recruitment ads.

Commenting on the publication of the report, the Tánaiste Micheál Martin convinced precisely no one over claims the people responsible for such things would be held accountable in any meaningful way.

Meanwhile, the worst person you know has declared ‘jaysus so now the army has to be all nicey nicey in its training for the snowflakes, no wonder the country’s gone to the dogs’ upon reading about a report which detailed, among other things, how women had to barricade themselves in their quarters to prevent sexual assault.