Local Man Almost Certain Guards Would Beat Him Black & Blue If He ‘Did A Burke’


REFLECTING on the latest in a long line of disruptive Burke family outbursts in a court room, one local man observed that he would be fairly confident he’d be ‘put through a fucking window’ if he tried a fraction of ‘a Burke’, the now universal unit of measurement for acting the gobshite in court.

“Take me for example, with my accent, my lack of a sharp suit, I would just phone ahead for an ambulance if I berated a judge over my unpaid parking tickets or what have you,” confirmed local Waterford lad Dylan Calley.

“I don’t talk like the opening chapter of ‘How To Bore People Into Submission’ or look like Frank Grimes’ illegitimate child. I drop in multiple bois in sentences boi, so no judge is indulging me acting up in court even if I was being framed for murder,” added Calley, who dreads to think what would happen if his Nigerian neighbour, Musa, ended up in court and tried ‘a Burke’.

Imagining an x-ray showing eighteen separate broken bones, Calley thought it curious you never really hear about district and appeal courts being disrupted at length by other people on a routine and regular basis.

“If the fucking Monk can behave himself in court, surely it’s not too much to ask of others. But it’s good to know if I ever land in there, I get a couple of free hours to just rant and rave if I swallow a Bible or some shit,” observed Calley.