Here’s What The New Irish Cycling Licence Test Will Look Like

THE incoming test was set via a compromise between the most irate car drivers and stubborn cyclists Ireland has to offer, striking a balance what aspects of cycling must be mastered in order to gain a cycling licence.

Here’s what to expect:

In order to receive their licence, a cyclist will have to sit patiently in silence for an hour while a BMW driver repeatedly says ‘cyclists should have to pay road tax’.

If you can cycle without any hands on the handlebars, you pass immediately.

You’ll need a special bc2 licence to give someone a backer.

Only complete and total ignoring of red lights will result in a pass.

A cyclist will be shown two images – one of a cyclist wearing a GoPro camera and one cyclist with no camera. The test taker will be asked which cyclist is the sly bastard trying to film an innocent truck driver as they mow them down.

Cyclists must not drift more than 2 millimetres out from a curbside lest a driver have to start paying attention to their surroundings while speeding and texting.

What is the penalty for cycling in the middle of road, something that is perfectly in line with current rules of the road? Correct – the death penalty.

If you leave a 50 in the mudguard, the tester will pass you.

Hand signals are no longer enough, interpretive dances will only suffice if a cyclist is making a turn.

If a cyclist wears reflective clothes and has bike lights on after dark it’s an automatic fail.

While drivers can confirm that they would never drive in a careless way that could result in injuring a cyclist any parents cycling with a child in a bike trailer will have their kids taken off them by social services for child endangerment.