Suella Braverman Leaves Rwandan Detention Centre 5 Star Airbnb Review

UK HOME SECRETARY Suella Braverman could barely contain her delight after a recent Airbnb jaunt to Rwanda, with UK media picking up on her effusive 5-star review of a mid-construction detention centre.

“The rooms were so small you couldn’t swing a cat in them, just lovely, I lost to will to live and I was only in the room for five seconds,” Braverman began her review, adding a photo of her cackling with the wild abandon of a demented Bond villain.

“Load baring walls looks like they’re made of soggy biscuits, and oh my, the guards, the guards! Surly, monosyllabic, failed to treat me with a shred of decency – I felt my humanity stripped from me – couldn’t recommend enough,” added Braverman.

Praising her Airbnb host Paul Kagame for his hostility, Braverman confirmed she would be recommending the space to any budding government with a particular passion for inhumanity and cruelty.

“While Paul may be a bit tyrannical with his own people and opponents, he was simply the perfect host – very hands off, happy for me to break international law and ignore the human rights charter my own way,” Braverman blushed.

“Cleanliness couldn’t be worse, in terms of value you can’t put a price on heaping misery on scapegoats for your own government’s failings so five stars was a no-brainer,” concluded Braverman.