Every Excuse The DUP Has Given So Far For Not Signing New Protocol Agreement

HAILED by the UK and EU as the much sought after solution to the issues with the NI Protocol, the ‘Windsor Framework’ is all set to return Northern Irish politics to what passes for normal in Stormont.

UPDATE: Sadly the DUP have stated they cannot in good conscience sign up to the framework and have provided a number of very serious reasons, including:

– New agreement is written on A4 paper, not an A1 canvas made from camel hide and written in Comic Sans as DUP requested.

– Sinn Féin stole all the pens.

– They have to run it past a few lads in Belfast first.

– Not that quick at reading.

– Technically King Charles hasn’t been crowned yet and they don’t want to steal his thunder.

– Framework was agreed on a Monday, and because the DUP abide by the Boomtown Rats Protocol, they do not like Mondays.

– Would consider signing if name of framework was changed to Willy Nilly Frilly & Chilly King Billy Framework.

– Charles had ‘unconstitutionally wise’ tea with Ursula von der Leyen as well as ‘politically treacherous’ Jaffa cakes.

– The phrase ‘Stormont Brake’ sounds like a witches curse and so they can’t endorse it.

– No free holidays to Sri Lanka in framework for Ian Paisley Jr.

– Sammy Wilson has vowed to protest the tomato shortage by turning as red as one while reading the new deal.

– No acknowledgement of fact dinosaurs and man roamed earth together as some sort of ancient buddy comedy.

UPDATE 2: Rishi Sunak has denied that celebrating this new deal as a monumental triumph of his political will, despite the fact it overrides an old deal his party had proposed, implemented and said was flawless, makes him and his party look like a clown car reversing back up a cliff face just so they can fall off it again.