The Polite Ways Irish People Describe Debilitating Alcohol Dependency

THE IRISH Commission For Things We Don’t Talk About Or Draw Attention To (ICFTWDTAODAT) has published its annual and updated list of terms in use by Irish people when discussing and/or dismissing a person’s debilitating alcohol dependency.

The guidelines issued by ICFTWDTAODAT remain indispensable for Irish people not wanting to cause a fuss, while occasionally dipping a bucket into the well of passive aggressive judgement.

The list is as follow:

“He’s an awful thirst on him”

“She’d wring out your sock if you stepped in a drop of wine”

“And there was blood everywhere, but ah no he’s some character”

“He’d be as dry as the Atlantic”

“He would of sucked it out of your mickey during prohibition”

“You’d find her swimming down by the banks of Mrs Sippy if you catch my drift” (while making very exaggerated and repeated gesture of knocking back drink).

“She’d put away more shots than a school shooter”

“Ah leave him be it hardly counts as drink driving – he’s only 5 miles down the road”

“The glass is glued to her hand”

“It runs in the family, God love her”

“He’s had more pints through him than a blood bank”

“Fond of the drink”

“It’s not him who has the problem, it’s everyone else”

“He’s the odd one now and again”

“If the doctor says he’s an allergy to bad pints, he has an allergy to bad pints”

“They’d be more ossified than scuttered now, but last night they were stociously paralytic the gee-eyed eejit”

“They’d be more plastered than a new house”

“If she was any more trolley’d she’d have a pensioner lying on her in St Vincent’s A&E for 72 hours”

“She wouldn’t fail a breathalyser, she’d blow it up”

“Ah now leave him alone, you’re acting like he’s the only one to piss his pants tonight”