Teen Who Has Only Ever Seen House Parties In Movies In For Rude Awakening

A WATERFORD teen has excitedly opened up about attending his first house party this weekend, although certain things that he has mentioned suggest that he’s under the impression that these sessions are the same as the ones he’s seen in movies like American Pie and the like.

“Will they have their own red plastic cups for the beer keg, or will I bring some of my own,” wondered 17-year-old Marcus Shortall, who believes this coming Saturday night in his pal Derek Gorman’s gaff will be one of the best nights of his life.

“I wonder will Amy from school be there, if so I hope we can find a quiet place to have a nice long talk, get to know each other, maybe even go upstairs to Derek’s parents room and kiss for a while, before the police arrive at midnight because a neighbour complained about the noise and we have to all run off in all different directions, haha!”.

As Shortall continued to muse about whether or not there’ll  be space in the living room to properly bust out this dance routine he’s been working on, some of his more experienced party-going friends tried to no avail to get him to tone his expectations down a bit.

“We’re trying to tell him that a real house party is less like what you seen in teen comedies, and more like what you see in harrowing prison dramas,” said one seasoned sessioner.

“He’s going to be pissed within an hour and if he doesn’t shit his pants then someone will shit them for him. His phone is almost certainly getting robbed and he better not wear anything he doesn’t want a cigarette burn in. And the only punch he’ll get is a punch in the fucking mouth if he tries to do any riding upstairs. God love him, he’ll learn”.