General Election In 2024: Here’s What You Need To Do NOW

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CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has strongly hinted that the next General Election will be held in Autumn of 2024; which gives the nation just over a year to do the following:

– Grease up every nearby lamppost, electricity poll and 5G mast to avoid any posters being erected in your area.

– Take a look around and ask yourself, is all this grand? Am I myself grand? If the answer is yes, you may not even have to bother voting.

– Start writing out a list of grievances you have against the current government to hit them with if any of them come to your front door campaigning. Start now. Remember, with only 19 months to complete it you might not get everything written now.

– If you are a volatile individual with a shady past linked to organised crime, consider putting your name forward as a Sinn Féin candidate, they’ll take literally anyone.

– If you don’t have a ‘no junk mail’ sticker, get one. Matter of fact, rip your letterbox off your wall and dig a moat.

– Maybe consider running yourself? It’s a pretty sweet gig.

– Buy every single brown envelope you can within 20 miles of your constituency, and burn them all. Sit back with popcorn over the next few years and watch everyone panic.

– Take note of everyone you said you’d never, ever vote for. Again, we stress, you only have 19 months to prepare.

– Prepare yourself for the soul-crushing results as Ireland re-elects the same people all over again.