Memoir Writing Tips From Prince Harry

IT’S the fastest selling non-fiction book in the UK since records began, so it turns out Prince Harry knows a thing or two about writing a memoir.

Harry has kindly shared his memoir writing tips with WWN, so budding writers should grab a quill and start taking notes:

Hey guys, it’s me Harry, the ‘spare’, Fanta balls, the Prince of Privilege, Taliban Terminator, Frostbit Boy. No matter what name you know me by, you’ll have heard my book is doing quite well but you don’t need a $20mn advance, the best ghostwriter in the business and the marketing department of the world’s largest book publisher behind you to write a good memoir. No, you just need the following tips.

Stay humble

Don’t make the book all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me. That’s too many me’s. Make it all about me, me, me, me and leave it there.

Make edits

If you’re painting yourself as a modern progressive man making stunning breakthrough after powerful realisation, it could be an idea to leave out the bits where you were a bit racist and tone deaf about your immense privilege.

Avoid embarrassing anecdotes

You will be ridiculed and mocked if you regale your readers with the story of you tripping up slightly while walking on the street and trying to pass it off like nothing happened. But the lathering up of your dick in Elizabeth Arden cream and how the smell reminded you of your dearly departed mother can stay in the book.

How many todger tales is too many?

I can’t stress this enough, talk about your dick. And other lad’s todgers. Get into the detail, circumcised, uncircumcised these are the details readers crave.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to say to your family?

Save it for the book. If you sit you them down and hash out your issues, that’s great but if you only address it in the book they’ll have to buy it which means a few more sales, cha-ching. Maybe they’ll buy a second one to make sure the stories in there about them hitting you and generally being a twat are a misprint isolated to one copy.

Double check the dick story count

Only 47? C’mon, are you serious about writing a memoir or not?

Only you can judge how long it takes to tell your story

I’d imagine unlike me, you haven’t had the chance to talk about your life in several documentaries and a dozen TV interviews, so for me 518 pages was just about the right length for my grievances and score settling but you may need more.

Oh and if you’ve a nonce for an uncle or any other relative, just maybe limit how many paragraph they get.