Being An Alpha Male: A Guide


BEING a man these days is hard, if you’re a pussy. For the rest of us here at WWN Alpha, it’s easy. That’s because we’re alpha males, apex predators, carnivores, the top dog. Maybe if you took our advice once in a while, you’d be an alpha too. Here’s some starters, soy boy:


Love is for the weak. Who needs love when you can have sex. With as many women as you like, whenever you like. You want it? Go out and get it. Women smell non-alpha men coming a mile away and avoid them like the plague. You have to know how to walk, how to talk and how to get what you want. That’s what we’re working on right now, and thanks to these videos we watch on YouTube every day, we’re getting very close to achieving an actual ride very shortly.


Are you happy in your job? No? Then quit. Go make something of yourself. That’s a lesson we learned from a guy on Tiktok who was sitting in a Bugatti that cost more than we paid for our house in 2007. So once we saw that, we were straight into our line manager to hand in our notice. We’re off to follow our dream of having millions. Although we’ve just been informed that we’re not entitled to any social welfare because we quit voluntarily, so we’re a little shy of cash at the minute. But after that, it’s Bugatti time, if we’re alpha enough.


Nothing is easy in life. You want a body like a God? Go work for it. Stop looking for shortcuts. Don’t do anything that’s easy, that’s what our favourite manfluencer told us. Right before he told us never listen to anyone other than ourselves. So right now we’re listening to ourselves and we say listen to that other guy. He’s got a six-pack, we don’t. No shortcuts? You got it. Now let’s rack up 300lbs on the bench press and fucking goooooooo.


You don’t commit crimes? None? Alright you beta cuck soy boy loser. Enjoy living under their rules in the Matrix. Real alphas break all boundaries, including international law. If we want to get involved in a human trafficking ring, then we… eh, yeah, one thing, the whole human trafficking thing, are we sure that’s alpha? Because it seems kinda… not cool. What’s Alpha Papa doing on the Tiktok these days? Detained for human trafficking? Well, okay. We only got in this stuff so we could pluck up the courage to politely harass women but he seems to know what he’s at so human trafficking it is. Alpha! Let’s do this!