THE HSE has advised people not to get sick while gesturing wildly in the direction of Irish hospitals when asked for an explanation.
“You’d be doing yourselves and us a huge favour by not getting sick or requiring any medical help this Christmas period because we’re more stuffed than a turkey at the minute,” explained a spokesperson for the HSE, who has had to be converted into a trolley such is the demand for beds.
The HSE confirmed if anyone was planning on having a major medical incident that they should delay it until at least January 2032, at which point the HSE might be a in slightly better shape to deal with it.
“Oh and wear masks again, that’d be helpful. Yeah, I know we were all pretending Covid didn’t exist or only lick arse wore masks now but turns out they kinda help with winter and respiratory infections,” added the spokesperson.
The HSE confirmed they can’t guarantee that someone presenting at A&E has a 100% survival rate but they can guarantee they’ll spend upwards of four days on a trolley in a crowded corridor being tended to by overworked and underresourced healthcare staff.
In the meantime, senior HSE figures have said they’re doing all they can to hire more managers.
The government have also confirmed that they are aware of the immense pressure hospitals are under and as a result have confirmed they have ended the free parking arrangement for staff at hospitals.