Government Picked Bad Time To Have Part-Time Justice Minister


AN EXPLOSION of violence in Limerick, the impending and uncertain end to one of the biggest gangland trial’s in the State’s history and a failure to hit new gardaí recruitment targets has led some experts to suggest that now would be an ideal time to have a full-time Minister for Justice.

“Having the Minister for Higher Education working through his lunch break doesn’t exactly scream ‘we’re tough on crime’, does it?” confirmed someone who gained their expertise in crime and justice just by having a functioning brain and a pair of eyes.

With 81 TDs, the coalition government has confirmed they had no other alternative than to give the job to someone who was already juggling a ministerial post.

“Just between you and me, have you seen the eejits we have on the government benches, you’d hardly want them in charge of boiling a kettle nevermind anything else,” said Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, defending the decision to extend Simon Harris’ title to Minister for Further and Higher Education, Research, Innovation and Science, and Justice With Special Responsibility For Finding Out Why The Price Of Freddo Bars Keeps Rising.

The Taoiseach then asked the Tanáiste to keep an eye on the country as he popped to the shops, stating he would be gone for ‘five minutes tops’.

Speaking in Rathkeale, Minister Harris said there would be no tolerance of the mayhem which unfolded.

“We will not rest until every single one of the perpetrators are placed in an apprentice scheme. Sorry, wait no – force of habit. What am I again? Right, Justice,” confirmed Harris.

“I am today pledging extra resources for Limerick which obviously don’t include my time, sure I’m swamped”.

UPDATE: A transition year student on work experience in Leinster House who has binged a bit of The Good Wife and Suits has been made acting Minister for Justice.