“He Has Me Plagued, Changing His Santa List At The Last Minute” Biden Says Ahead Of Zelensky Visit

“IT’D BE just typical for him to change his Santa list at the last minute,” lamented US president Joe Biden ahead of Volodymyr Zelensky’s visit to Washington.

Marking the first time he has left Ukraine since the Russian invasion, Zelensky is expected to be incredibly selfish and once again plead with the international community for more help in keeping the genocidal threat against Ukraine at bay.

“Watch him now, guarantee he’ll be on about air support. He has me plagued but I told him Santa can do pretty much anything other than that or a PS5,” continued Biden, who has maxed out his credit cards.

“We got him on the cover of TIME, he didn’t ask for that now but it was a thoughtful gift and do you think that’d stop him asking for things like ‘an end to the killing of my people’, will it fuck,” added Biden.

Biden confirmed he couldn’t get Zelensky the longer-range weapons he had scribbled onto his letter at the last minute before adding that he had a connect with someone who could get him first dibs on just about any squishmallows he wanted.

Elsewhere, leading Republicans have apologised to Putin for failing to help him get Ukraine for Christmas but promised to see what they could do Christmas 2024.