“I Was Going To Spend It On Rainbow Flags” EU Politician Defend Bribes From Qatar

THE VICE PRESIDENT of the EU parliament embroiled in a bribery scandal which has seen €600,000 in cash, purportedly a bribe from the Qatari government, confiscated from her home by Belgian police has claimed that she was actually masterminding a classic double cross.

“She was going to spend it on rainbows, oh yeah, gonna to cover the place in rainbows. Couldn’t move for rainbows – that was the plan. Definitely not one of possibly dozens of MEPs on the take,” explained an associate of Greek MEP Eva Kaili, coming to the defence of the politician who has been sacked in recent hours.

Kaili is now sitting in a police cell in Belgium, but some of those closest to her claim that she wasn’t bribed by the Qataris as part of a shameful plan to pay cash to EU politicians in exchange for positive PR and advocacy on behalf of the Gulf state but if she was, it was definitely a reverse Uno plot twist.

“Do you know how many tonnes of glitter Kaili was going to buy with the bribes she didn’t receive? It was going to look like a final lip sync battle from Drag Race in here but you had to go and ruin it by arresting her on charges of ‘criminal organisation, corruption and money laundering’, she was this close to getting a free Lady Gaga concert for everyone. Y’know, to really play a trick on the Qataris” an aide told Belgian police.

“While such corruption if true is reprehensible,” said Ursula von der Leyen, “I hope this puts to bed the unhelpful stereotype that women can’t be as craven and corrupt as men in politics”.

Qatar, a major energy supplier to the EU and fresh from signing a new deal with Germany, are so to be ‘terrified’ of the potential consequences they will face for a bribing scheme infiltrating the EU parliament.