How To Help Guests Get The Hint It’s Time To Fuck Off Home


ENTERTAINING friends in your home can be a lovely and rewarding experience but for the 98% of Irish people who think you’re mad if you enjoy that sort of stuff, it’s important to remain fluent in ‘fuck off home with ya’.

The subtle art of heavily hinting that it is now time for your guests to make like a French revolution and head off should not be underestimated.

But how does one hint that you just want to left alone in peace to take a satisfying dump in your toilet while scrolling on your phone in peace?

These following phrases are bullet proof hints that can’t fail to make your guests feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome they’ll only stay another hour or two before finally leaving:

– Suppose you’ll want to beat the traffic?

– Where does the time go?

– You’ve fucking eaten me out of Cadbury mini rolls and coffee. They were a 12-pack for Christ sake. What do you think I’m made of money, gway and fuck off with ya.

– What’s that noise? That’ll be the nuclear war sirens. You’d best be off home saying goodbye to your loved ones. You can’t hear? Oh God, it’s doing my head in the noise of it.

– What was the name of your old school bully? And that young one that did the dirt with your ex? And you’re old boss handsy Andy? Well it’s just I forgot I was having them all over now in the next five minutes so you’d probably want to rush off, be horrible for you to run into them.

– Leave? Now? Ah Jesus no stay, we were just about to stick on Mrs Brown Boys. Yeah we have all the DVDs. Ah no, where are you going?

– Have you seen my ingrown toenail? Now honestly you think you’ve seen an ingrown toenail but this fella? Oof, more puss than a cat shelter. C’mere now, you have to get down on the ground to really get in close.