Elon Musk Not Crying, You’re Crying


DESPITE tears pouring from his eyes like stock value leaving Tesla shares, Elon Musk has categorically denied becoming upset in any way by being on the receiving end of thousands of people booing him as he took to the stage at a show held by former comedian Dave Chappelle.

“On an unrelated note I will need all Twitter staff working around the clock to figure out a way for me to block and suspend people in real life,” Musk, a teary little blubber boy, told employees.

An internal memo was then circulated among staff stating they had to sign an NDA confirming their eyes were deceiving them and that the thin skinned dweeb’s tear ducts hadn’t broken like a dam wall made of soggy biscuits.

“I can’t stress enough how much I haven’t cried,” continued Musk, still speaking about his flowing tears caused by some very public ridicule.

Silicon Valley companies have been put on high alert as the last time Musk was this upset he borrowed $44bn to buy a company.

“I am SO into free speech,” Musk added, his jaw clenched, flesh trembling and eyes watering like they’d taken a bath in a fountain of chilis.

Musk, who was clearly feeling the effect of having not falsely accused anyone of being a pedo in minutes, collapsed in a nearby chair overwhelmed too by the ordeal of being told he is an arsehole of a bellend in person.

“Bring me the bots, they love me,” Musk said, ordering staff to give him an ego massage in exchange for a horse.