Cold Snap To Push Dad’s Shorts-Wearing Phase To Its Absolute Limits
THE first real hard winter morning of the year has thrown middle-aged men across the country into absolute panic, with none of them wanting to be the first Dad on the block to wear long trousers instead of shorts.
“It’s cold, but you can’t be the first one to flinch,” said Waterford dad Ryan Tolan, pulling on a pair of 3/4 length cagro shorts despite nationwide temperatures reaching as low as minus 4 in places.
“Don’t crack. Be strong. It’s all in your mind,” Tolan said to himself, as he looked out at the ice-encrusted windscreen of his car.
“Or maybe just don’t go out today? Don’t do the school run, let the kids walk home themselves. That way you don’t have to be seen among all the other parents wearing trousers, you can retain your record without even having to feel the cold at all!”.
When quizzed why he couldn’t just wear comfortable warm clothing that suited the climate he lived in throughout the various seasons, Tolan got quite animated and even angry at times, furiously pointing his finger at us while shivering in a pair of shorts on his front doorstep.
“You obviously aren’t a 40 year-old-man, to be coming out with nonsense like that!” he fumed, as his balls contracted into his stomach.
“It’s an unspoken thing among us. Rain, hail or shine, we wear the shorts. If you do 1,000 days in a row, you get a letter from the president. And anyway, I’m out in it now, it’s not so bad! See, I don’t even feel the cold! This is fine! I love this!”
Mr. Tolan was discovered later in the day collapsed on the side of the road, clutching a black, sugarless coffee for warmth.