Girlfriend Enters Winter Hibernation


OVERSIZED hoodies, blankets, flannels, hot chocolates, and woolly socks baring the unmistakable Christmas selburose pattern are set to be the only things you see your girlfriend in, near or with this winter as her hibernation mode has fully kicked in.

“I will be remaining adorably cute for the coming months, those expecting sexy will have to wait until at least Valentine’s Day,” issued the nation’s girlfriends setting out their stall for the end of the year, a time in which they embrace cosy comforts and nothing else.

“The snooze button will be used liberally and during the weekends lie ins will be had because have you seen the state of the weather,” the statement continued, tragically timed to coincide with when the nation’s boyfriends feel at their most masculine thanks to a wardrobe made up of thick knitted jumpers, check flannel shirts and a robust beard as they cosplay as a manly sailor or lumberjack.

Partners have been advised to remain vigilant around the house and to double check when sitting down on the couch that your girlfriend hasn’t camouflaged herself under several blankets.

“Share bags will become ‘just me bags’ as the winter months bring a greater need to take on more calories to fight the cold outside,” offered the nation’s girlfriends citing flimsy scientific research at best.