Shock As Priest In Kerry Confirms Teachings Of Catholic Church


THE FALLOUT continues from the shocking sermon delivered by a priest at a mass service in Listowel, Kerry when he uttered some of the core beliefs most closely associated with Catholicism.

“This has come completely out of nowhere. I had no idea, to think the Catholic Church was hiding in plain sight, disguising its true teachings only for it all to be revealed by this priest in Kerry, I need a lie down” said one local man, still coming to terms with the fact the Catholic Church might be a tad intolerant.

The sermon from Fr Seán Sheehy which drew heavily from the Church’s ‘This Is Catholicism’ Spotify playlist involved the assertion that gay people will be burning in hell for all eternity, something that has come as quite a shock to individuals who had never heard of the Catholic Church until this very second.

“Hang on you mean to tell me the Church is backward, drenched in prejudice and judgement, and hostile to the LGBT community and women? And this priest gave a character reference in court to a convicted sex offender? I won’t stand for that,” said one parent seconds before baptising their child.

Such was the priest’s perfectly accurate summation of the Church’s disdain and distaste for people’s trying to live their lives free of Church control, he has been reprimanded by Church authorities.

“Fr Sheehy hit the incense too hard before the mass, let me tell you necking Communion wafers did him no favours either – it’s a hell of a drug. Anyway, if you could go back to forgetting we’re still a huge influence in this country and just let us get on with working silently in the background that’d be great. And no, I won’t take any questions on the redress money for Mother and Baby Homes religious orders aren’t coughing up,” said a spokespriest for the Church.