POLICY experts and government advisers have confirmed once again that the vast bulk of the Nation’s corporation tax revenue coming from a handful of companies is merely a sign of an incredibly secure, vibrant and in no way overexposed economy, WWN can reveal.
Latest exchequer figures show the State is on course for a record tax take, due in no small part to the outsized contribution of just 10 multi-national companies who account for more than 60% of corporate tax receipts.
“I’ve yet to see a compelling case made for how this could ever screw Ireland over, not even if there was an impending international recession, which last time I checked hasn’t been predicted anywhere,” shared one local businessman, who sold CDs out of a van.
“Corporation tax receipts were up 72% on last year, now I’m no economist but how could that sort of growth ever slow,” added Minister for Finance Pascal Donohoe, before calling Ireland’s economy ‘robust’ just 74 times in under a minute.
Keen to stress that this sort of over reliance does not need addressing in any way, Tániste Leo Varadkar has ordered all future Commission on Taxation reports to be pulped lest they once again suggest an increase in inheritance and income taxes.
Measures currently under consideration by the government include:
– A Sinn Féin tax which will see Pearse Doherty forced to cough up money every time he mentions a wealth tax.
– Politely asking energy companies if they’d consider agreeing to being subjected to a ‘windfall tax’, not before 2065 but no worries if not.
– Sitting on hands for next 40 years and posting a ‘shocked Pikachu’ face whenever the shit hits the fan.