6AM Closing Times: The Pros & Cons
THE AGE of nightclubs staying open until 6am is nearly upon us as new proposals go before Cabinet today but doubt persist as to whether or not this is a good idea.
In an effort to get arrive at a definitive answer on the matter WWN has produced an extensive pros and cons list below:
Pro/Con: Extended nightclub openings will see extended drug use.
Pro: For bouncers it means longer time on the doors, not-tonight-paling people.
Con: There will be a lack of taxis at 6am, making it no different to any other hour of the night.
Pro: You can go straight from the club to the office.
Con: The extension of hours will see an end to masses of people being thrown out of nightclubs at 2am, meaning it will now be harder for psychopaths to start fights in kebabs shops due to the staggered nature of people leaving venues which close at 6am.
Pro: The extra hours will give you even more time to pester women before being thrown out.
Con: DJs will struggle to find the extra 400 techno songs that sound indecipherable from each other to fill the extra hours.
Pro: Government to subsidize ‘dial a bag’ service which will help revelers to keep going all the way to 6am.
Con: Temple Bar will resemble the fifth circle of hell, even more than usual.
Pro: It will usher in a golden age of nightclub memes far exceeding the previous highs of Uncomfortable Nightclub Girl Being Lectured To.
Con: Potential increase in godawful nightclub names including Le Rhythm, Liquid, Crank, TrashHeap, MindTwatter, Sausage Fest, Clam Carnival and Big Daddys.
Con: To ensure nightclub stamps can last from 10pm to 6am they will now come in permanent tattoo form.
Pro: The extended hours give young people living at home more time to ride in the toilets.
Con: The intensity of The Fear will increase by at least 50%.
Pro: Ancient sessioners approaching the grand old age of 28 can go out on a high.