Zelensky Asks G7 For Nuke If Anyone’s Got One Spare

UKRANIAN President Volodymyr Zelensky has called on Western nations for a lend of a tactical nuclear missile if there’s one spare lying around, WWN has learned.

“A nuclear bomb would be right handy now that I think about it,” Mr Zelensky told G7 nations, who seem prepared to supply Ukraine with whatever they can to help fight the invading Russian army, despite the possibility of escalating the ongoing battle for East Ukraine into a full-scale world war.

“Just supply us weapons like you do for other oppressed countries like Saudi Arabia & Israel,” the Ukrainian President added, “what could possibly go wrong going up against one of the biggest military superpowers on the planet?”

Following talks with Mr Zelensky, G7 leaders said they would hold Russian President Vladimir Putin to account for the attacks by telling him he’s bad and to stop escalating their own efforts to escalate a territorial dispute between the two extremely complicated nations.

“Could we sit down and reason with the Russian Federation? Maybe. But there’s a lot of money at stake here and who are we to pass up a lucrative opportunity to sell yet another country sophisticated weapons at the expense of innocent life on both sides,” a spokesperson for all G7 later stated, before signing off on billions of dollars’ worth of military hardware for their latest proxy war.