Andrew Hoping Brother As Loose With Purse Strings As Mummy Was


PRINCE Andrew has congratulated his older brother Charles on his appointment of King this week following their mother’s vacation of the position and is currently working up the courage to ask him where he stands on multi-million-pound pay-offs to make sexual abuse allegations go away.

The prince hasn’t quite found the time or the place in the grieving process to field such a question, but he’s hopeful that news of the now-King’s recent ‘bags of cash’ dealings with Saudi Arabia point towards a monarch that’s a-okay with a little bit of ‘moral malleability’.

“There’s a lot of people that think the Victoria Guiffre thing was the only case Andrew was worried about, and God bless their sweet child-like innocence for that,” a royal aide confided in us.

“It took 12 million pounds of taxpayers money to make that go away, but that’s the start of it. Andrew’s going to need a rolling subscription like Netflix to stay out of trouble, and with no income of his own to speak of, his only hope is that Charles remembers all the times he himself got helped out of scrapes by his Mum. And by scrapes, I mean marriages, of course”.

Meanwhile, Prince Andrew has been informed that no, funerals are not a good place to sleaze on the waiting staff and no, ‘my mum’s died, I could use a lie-down hug’ is not an appropriate thing to say at this time.