Dáil Awards 2022: The Key Winners


WHILE media eyes were on the Emmys last night, another awards ceremony celebrating the best that the current government has to offer took place at Leinster House, where the 2022 Dáil Awards honoured TDs for their services to themselves.

The winners of the awards, colloquially known as ‘The Berties’, included:

  • Best Taoiseach In A Supporting Role: Micheál Martin
  • Best Editing of Dáil Register of TDs’ Interests – shared by a dozen or so TDs who forgot they were landlords
  • Best Directing Attention Away From Real Issues – Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael senators who wanted Sabina Higgins beheaded for writing a letter
  • Best Supporting Data Centres – shared by Green Party
  • TD Who Contributed The Most To His Private Sector Friends: Leo Varadkar
  • Most Useful Idiot: Eamon Ryan
  • Brassiest Neck: Robert Troy (who also scored a gong for Courage In The Face Of Public Pettiness)
  • Most Blatant Lie: ‘Schools are safe’ by Norma Foley
  • Most Batshit Statement: ‘Trampolines aren’t safe’ by Stephen Donnelly
  • TD Most Likely To Worm Way To Top: Jack Chambers
  • Best Handling Of A Poisoned Chalice: Stephen Donnelly
  • Most Stunning Achievement Which Enhanced The Quality Of An Irish Citizen’s Life Immeasurably: Emer Higgins for her incredible, tireless work in getting ‘Passport Express’ renamed ‘Post Passport’ to better reflect the slowness of the process
  • Best Actress – Mary Lou McDonald for pretending like Sinn Féin isn’t delighted to be in opposition during ongoing housing crisis
  • Best Visual Effects Artists – Darragh O’Brien, for his part in imagining loads of affordable houses have been built
  • Best Performance In A Foreign Language – Danny Healy Rae
  • Most Stunning U-Turn – Roderic O’Gorman ripping up promise to give Mother & Baby Home survivors an independent review into the testimony they gave
  • Best Stunt Work – Josepha Madigan blaming schools for the fact the Dept of Education has failed children with additional needs for decades