A NEW report into things that make people happy has found that watching a snotty nosed kid crying manically over a birthday balloon soaring into the sky is the most satisfying feeling a grown adult can experience.
“We believe it’s down to a secret loathing of other people’s children,” lead researcher of the study Dr. Carlos Santiago told WWN, “surprisingly, watching a kid running around a restaurant and falling flat onto their face was close second on the list”.
The report also found that witnessing a pedestrian getting splashed by puddles from a passing car came third, followed closely by people slipping on ice.
“People like to watch other people experience some kind of trauma, which brought our study to the conclusion that most people are absolute sadistic bastards,” Dr. Santiago pointed out.
Confirming the number one most satisfying find, WWN went out and bought a €20 birthday balloon for local birthday girl, Charlotte Regan, only to let the string go as we were about to present it to the 5-year-old.
“Waving ‘day day’ to the balloon as the child wailed in horror really made our morning,” several WWN reporters agreed, now recording the whole thing on their phones for later enjoyment and group messaging, “her little squinched-up face bawling really added to the moment while the balloon slowly ascended into the clouds for ever – I could watch this everyday”.
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