Community’s Worst Fear Realised As Permission For Family Homes Granted
A LOCAL community is reeling after news their appeals against a new development which includes apartments, duplexes and houses has failed.
“It’s like waking up and finding a dozen horror movies having an orgy in your bed, I can’t go on,” reasoned Clonbarrif resident Brenda Hynes, whose residents WhatsApp group is averaging 103 NIMBYISM messages a minute.
Life as they know it will never be the same for Clonbarrif locals as the construction of 300 homes across the road will bring about an onset of wild fever dreams about a reduction in house prices and crime waves akin to 1980s New York.
“They can’t do this, they can’t purchase a mud pile of a disused field which has been idle for 25 years and build homes there, this is outrageous. Human rights exist you know” resident Senan Collifan added, who estimated his own home could lose €45bn in value as a result of this vast and endless development which he believes looks like downtown Tokyo.
Residents were shocked to learn their sure fire appeals didn’t win despite clearly stating that an influx of 300 homes would irreparably damage and overwhelm a sleepy community which only has two Tescos, four Lidls, eight schools, a cinema, shopping centre and 14 bus routes within waking distance.
“It’s like they didn’t even read the 700 identical appeals we copy and pasted in where we mentioned there was a rare species of imaginary slug on the site or that the sun reflecting off the monstrously tall and towering two storey houses could blind all our children,” a beside themselves Clonbarrif local Liam Tulley offered.
“I would have never of moved in here 46 years ago had I known this villainy would take place. Other people daring to live in homes? They might as well be the Khmer Rouge!” sobbed Tulley.