Babies Sold By Church & State To Get Exact Refund

PEOPLE who were illegally and immorally sold by the Catholic Church under the ever-watchful eye of the Irish State as part of what was effectively a child trafficking ring will be able to receive a full refund, however, terms and conditions apply.

“You’ll receive whatever we sold you for back in 19-whatever, just as long as you’ve still got your receipt handy,” Minister for Children Roderic O’Gorman basically said when offering the insulting sum of €3,000 to victims, once they jump through all the hoops in place to prove such a thing happened.

“Oh yeah, and to add insult to injury, this payment is just for illegal adoptions that were facilitated by St Patrick’s Guild, as for the rest of you lot, best of luck with the search with our team of lawyers stonewalling you”.

An independent report commissioned by the Government on the practice of illegal adoptions has recommended the establishment of a inquiry and a full State apology for the selling thousands of Irish babies by the Church, babies who were then registered at birth as if they were the biological children of their adoptive parents.

“Highly illegal, immoral and downright disgusting behaviour,” not one spokesperson from the Church or State admitted today, without adding.

“These victims need to be compensated as quickly and as humanely as possible along with an immediate apology from the Pope and Taoiseach while doing everything in the government’s power to facilitate the distribution of vital birth records to those still affected by these heinous crimes today, and while we’re at it, investigating those still alive who were responsible,” the spokesperson did not add.