BREAKING: The Fucking Get Up Of Me Man

DOZENS of reports coming in from Waterford city centre this afternoon have confirmed the absolute state of one man who appears to be seemingly oblivious to the fucking get up of himself, WWN has learned.

Casually zooming around on an Audi branded electric scooter, taking sporadic breaks to stop, pose and chat on his premium smartphone at the hippest parts of the town, God’s latest concept carried itself with all the air and grace of someone who would actually eat himself if he was made of dairy milk chocolate.

“What the actual bejaysis does be going on in some lad’s heads at all in the morning before dressing themselves and leaving the house,” one observer pointed out, horrified at the thoughts of a middle-aged man being comfortable enough in their own skin to parade themselves publicly in such a lavish fashion, “surely he has at least one person in his life who loves him enough to tell him to cop on”.

“He must have taken a wrong turn on the M50, cause no right-minded fucker would spin around Waterford like that,” said another concerned onlooker, nodding their head in disbelief at the absolute state, “I’m surprised he even lasted ’til now – the get up of him. Hopefully he will make it back alive to whatever planet he’s from”.

Fearing a contagious outbreak of similarly dressed men, local youths loitering outside Supermacs banded together in a bid to nip such metrosexual nature in the bud.

“C’mere you, gissa go of yer scooter der, will ya?” one brave hooded teen intervened on behalf of the town, sparking the latter of the man’s fight or flight reflexes, before quickly scooting away into the sunset, “keep going, boy, if we see you around here again, we’ll fucking batter ya,” our hero warned, before being met with a round of applause from the people of Waterford.