Man Crushed To Death From The Paperwork Required By HSE To Become Vaccinator


AHEAD of receiving an increased supply of Covid-19 vaccines the HSE, enlisting the help of recruitment firm CPL, has devised a recruitment process for vaccinators so complex, arduous and hefty that one potential vaccinator has since been crushed to death by the assorted paperwork, WWN can reveal.

“Ah Christ, he was left flatter than a pancake run over by a steam roller operated by an elephant,” shared one paramedic on the scene, unable to free the body stuck under tonnes of paperwork until the team that freed the Ever Given container ship arrived.

The man, a nurse registered with the NMBI, had hoped to help out at a local vaccination centre in his spare time but along with the endless paperwork, the HSE’s insistence that people can only undertake full-time roles with 12 hour shifts also proved a barrier to a recruitment drive which is struggling to fill positions.

“We’re not sure if it was the requirement that he furnish them with a copy of his Junior Cert results, his birth cert, the multiple references, the Garda vetting that did it but his body was no match for the 3 tonnes of paperwork,” shared the man’s GP, Dr Sheila O’Neill, who herself will be required by the HSE to attend specialist training in order to vaccinate people despite running regular vaccine clinics herself.

“Or maybe it was the HR101 form, PRD10 employment declaration form, the HSE Declaration under Section 51 of Pensions Act 2012 or pre-placement health assessment form that vacuum packed his body in the crush”.

Speaking of the problems, a Dept. of Health spokesperson stated “stop reporting on this, if more people are aware of problems well documented and reported on in the media then no one will fall for our ‘unforeseen circumstances’ excuse in three months time when the rollout is slower than a snail climbing Everest”.