2020 Announces Bonus Month After December


HUMANITY’S worst fears have been realised after the year 2020 issued a statement earlier today indicating it would plow ahead with plans for a bonus month to take place between December 2020, and January 2021.

“Would seem a shame to leave things at December 31st when we’re all having such a lovely time,” read the onimous statement from the retched run of months that made up 2020.

Materialising out of thin air and placing itself through the letterboxes of all 7 plus billion residents of earth, the statement from 2020 also promised some ‘last minute surprises’ ahead of humanity finally being able to bid farewell to the Eir customer centre service of calendar years.

While 2020 provided little detail on what it had planned for the new month named ‘Neverendingnuary’, people are already taking the necessary precautions.

“We’ve locked up Stevie Wonder, Judi Dench, Martin Scorsese, David Attenborough, Margaret Atwood and thousands of other dearly beloved famous people for safe keeping, 2020 can get fucked if it thinks it can pull a fast one on us,” confirmed one anti-2020 person WWN spoke with.

Officials have ordered that all volcanoes and earthquake sensitive faultlines be closely monitored, while everyone has been told to remain on the lookout for a potential plague of locusts or a return of the murder hornet.

“Not on my watch, hell no,” said another person as they locked and loaded their shotgun, aiming it squarely at the watch on its phone, which feel the full brunt of firepower if it failed to move swiftly into 2021 after midnight, New Year’s Eve.