Confused Biden Peels ‘Everything Is Fine. Your Name Is Joe. You’re Running For President’ Note Off Fridge


REPEATING a daily routine that helps him become aware of his name, surroundings and his ongoing work, Democratic pick for the presidency Joe Biden peeled a series of informative post-it notes from his fridge and other appliances around his home.

‘Joe, you’re currently vastly overestimating the average intelligence of the American voter if you think they’re just going to pick you over Mr Midget Hands Hitler’ read Biden as he followed the treasure trail of notes.

‘This is for number ones and number twos’ read another note on his toilet seat.

Slowly but surely regaining a foggy recollection of the fact he is looking to beat Donald Trump in the November 2020 election, Biden bristled at the thought of that lunkheaded, no good sonavabitch while reading a note marked ‘put pants on. One leg at a time. Also, that Trump is a lunkheaded no good sonavabitch’.

Previously pushing a message of uniting the country and healing divisions at the Democratic convention after four bitter years of Trump rule, Biden was now staring blankly at several post-it notes that completely failed to conjure up any spark of recognition.

“That can’t be right?” Biden pondered while staring at a post-it with ‘don’t call Black people ‘brotha’ or ‘sista’, don’t call Latinos ‘hombre’ or ‘chica’, don’t call Asians bad drivers’ emblazoned on it.

Ignoring a crumpled and discarded ‘surely the end for Donald, Republican led report found Trump campaign worked with Russian intelligence officer to help get him elected’ note from yesterday which proved useless, Biden began to write to his future self.

“Get war criminal Colon Powell to endorse you, that’ll sway everyone your way” he said aloud while scribbling furiously.