“It’s My Speciality” Says Local Man About The One Meal He Can Cook


“IT’S just a little something I’ve taught myself back during lockdown, you know you can’t be ordering takeaway every night” beamed Waterford dad Brian Sewell, dishing up chicken fajitas for his family’s dinner for the 22nd time in 22 weeks.

Sewell, 44, had entered the Coronavirus lockdown without any culinary skills beyond toast and toast with butter, but decided to teach himself how to cook in case his wife died from Covid-19.

“In case I fucking what?” asked wife Emma Sewell, while reading this article.

“Anyway, Brian watched me one night in March while I made one of those chicken fajita kit things. There’s nothing to it really, just fry a bit of chicken and add the sauce. Everything else comes in the box. But look at him, acting like it’s his ‘speciality’. Adding little ‘tricks’ to make it better. You’re putting salt on the chicken in the pan, Brian, you’re not blending 12 secret herbs and spices for fuck sake”.

While dad Brian’s ‘signature dish’ was initially welcomed by the Sewell kids, as the months rolled on it became apparent that he wasn’t interested in learning how to even make so much as an omelette, making ‘Fajita Fridays’ more of a penance than a pleasure.

“He keeps saying ‘I did a little something different this week, see if you can guess what!’ You put in more salt, Dad. It’s always more salt,” concluded 9-year-old Alfie Sewell, steeling himself for ‘another fucking fajita’.